A look into one's wonders, one's problems, one's issues...and of course as every other journal online...one's bullshit.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

I'm fighting for my life but no one lifts and eyebrow
I'm fighting for my life, but no one seems to care
I'm fighting for my life, but no one listens
For My Hopes
My Desires
My Dreams

I'm fighting for my life but no one gives a shit
Hit after Hit I take from my friends
But no one is a friend
truly to the end
Until they're willing to fight for you
And your hopes
Your Desires
Your dreams

So as I lay in a pool of my own blood
Remember you did this to me
So as I lay at the end of a rope
Just remember it was clear to see
My hopes
My desires
My Dreams...

Monday, April 26, 2004

This is really new to me, so what the fuck? I decided to give it a shot. I honestly don't know where to start with this. This is the place where I get to say whatever I want, but I don't know what to say...how ironic. I guess I start with recent issues. Last night I discovered that my grandmother isn't coming to my brother's wedding because he owes her some fucking money. How ignorent can she get? I scremed to her in the phone, I guess screaming "fucking bitch!" wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done, but she deserved it. Oh well she would of ruined it anyway. I'm not going to let her ruin my brother and his girlfriend's who might I add are the greatest couple ever's wedding. My mom got into a big fight with my grandmother over this (her mother.) Being very close with my parents, I found my mom in tears and this ruined my day. I hate seeing my parents in tears because I feel like who am I to make my parents cry, even though I didn't do anything... I guess I've just got some issues I've got to work out.
This morning sucked almost as bad as last night. My mom was once again in tears saying "I feel like I've let poppa (my grandfather) down!" All my grandfather wanted was to keep my family together and it's falling apart. It's not my mom's fault though. It's that bitch that I have to call "grandma"s fault.
I'm still on the search for a band. There's this one going on that's a possibility with a girl named Chelsea and her guitarist Rick. Chelsea is a singer, but I have not heard her sing yet. I have faith though that'd she'll have a great voice though. I've had faith although with every band I've ever tried to join, and I've failed. I don't know if it's my personality sucks, my musical talent sucks, I just don't know anymore. Maybe it's my age, being only 16 looking for musicians with talent who are usually older don't want to be around a kid. Oh well, why would I want to be around for someone who didn't respect me for my talent, but only looked at my age or sometimes known as "only a number."

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